REFUTING THE CLAIM THAT MUSLIMS 'BEAT' THEIR WIVES

One can opportunistically cancel out the aforementioned explanations and proofs in order to twist the words as they like in accordance to their desires; but this is a dishonest polemic. If one chooses to say that a verse from the Qur'an holds a meaning contrary to how the vast majority of Muslims understand and interpret it, then this serves only the facetious desires of that person's twisted, insincere and vindictive approach. If one were intransigently and obstinately claim that the verse in the SGGS: "I am not a Hindu, nor am I a Muslim," means that Sikhs are encouraged to kill Muslims and Hindus, despite being shown a plethora of references in response proving beyond reasonable doubt that the vast majority of Sikhs throughout history never shared such a view, then that person would truly be a close-minded bigot. 

It must also be immediately noted that there is no warrant here in this verse for wife battering. The suggestion to use this physical approach is made specifically to deal with Nushooz on the part of the wife; that is, to deal with her deliberate nasty behaviour that poses a threat to the marriage. The physical approach (in the prescribed way) is to be used after the processes of verbal admonishment and suspension of sexual relations are undertaken. Moreover, this physical approach is not to go on and on, but is to be tried as a last step to save the marriage. Once it is clear that it is not working it is to be abandoned in favour of some other steps involving outside help, i.e. relatives of the husband and the wife mentioned in the next verse (4:35). Hence, there is absolutely no license here for the type of regular and continual wife beating that goes on in some homes where each time the husband is angry with his wife he turns against her to beat her violently. In these cases, the husband does not have a degree over the wife since he has violated the Shari'ah (Islamic Law) and stepped outside the bounds of what Islaam has established. This can only be attributable to either ignorance or his haughty distortion of the correct understanding in order to suit his own caprice. 

In regards to the this physical use of force, the following points should also be noted: 

A) According to some traditions, the Prophet said during his famous and well-attended speech on the occasion of his farewell pilgrimage that this physical approach be conducted ghayr mubarrih, i.e. in such a way that it should not cause injury, bruise or serious hurt. On this basis some scholars like at-Tabari and ar-Razi said that the physical approach should be largely symbolic and should be administered "with a folded scarf" or "with a miswak or some such thing". However, it is not clear how such an interpretation could help overcome Nushooz of the wife; thus, this opinion is an opinion which has largely been rejected by the scholars. The meaning and application of dharb - "beating", as the commentators have mentioned, should be effective in its purpose of shaking the wife out of her Nushooz and demonstrate to her that the marriage has reached a critical stage. In other words, it should not cause bruising or anything worse nor reduce it to a set of meaningless motions devoid of emotions, but as a means of conveying intense displeasure. 

B) Moreover, it is not necessary for the husband to adopt all three approaches. He has the option to seek family arbitration if he believes this to be more appropriate. 

C) More importantly, the wife has no religious obligation to take any extreme physical violence. She can ask for and seek a divorce at any time. The suggestion applies only in the case when the husband is seriously disturbed by prolonged nasty behaviour on the part of the wife, but neither he nor the wife is as yet seriously thinking of breaking up. 

D) If the husband beats his wife without respecting the limits set down by the Qur'an and Hadith, then she can take him to court and if ruled in favour has the right to compensation. In some cases the excessively abusive husband could be flogged up to 10 stripes, and others still up to 40 or even more, depending on the situation and the harm done to the wife. 

The point, however, is that verses 4:34-36 should not be a concern for any good practicing Muslim woman. This is because a practicing woman would not intentionally disobey her husband in what leads to disobedience of Allaah and what has been permitted for him upon her, nor would she behave in an immoral manner, such as, being flirtatious with other men or going to obscene inappropriate venues, etc.  Thus, a good Muslim woman would never be subject to these three disciplinary actions. 'A'isha, the wife of the Prophet and Mother of the believers, the great scholar and a role-model wife for all believing women, stated: